Hard Ticket to Hawaii
There is sun, surf, seagulls and sin on the beaches of Honolulu, Taryn and Donna pilots working for Molokai Cargo, carrying small freight around the islands and honeymooners to their dream destinations but also keeping a wary eye on other activities, Taryn the daughter of a murdered policeman now living under a new identity and Donna her handler, coordinating on the mainland with drug enforcement agents Rowdy and Jade.
A small nearby island known to be the base of operations of a small time weed operation, the deaths of two cops on a routine patrol indicate there has been a hostile takeover by local drug kingpin Seth Romero backed by his boss Mister Chang and an expansion of activity requiring official intervention, what should be a simple operation complicated by a mole on the inside and an escaped snake carrying “deadly toxins from cancer infected rats.”
Directed by the prolific “bullets, bombs and babes” filmmaker Andy Sidaris, Hard Ticket to Hawaii could not epitomise the eighties more if it tried, and it already tries very hard, released in 1987 and with the three leading women, Hope Marie Carlton, Dona Speir and Cynthia Brimhall, former Playboy “playmates of the month,” their qualifying assets on display with the nonchalant indifference of one hanging out damp laundry which needs a good airing.
That is not to say that the film is entirely focused on titillation for the male audience, tanned and toned Rowdy (Ron Moss) sporting a micro-swimming costume held together by sheer willpower rather than the inherent tensile strength of the material which offers as little coverage as Sidaris’ script, with Rowdy’s bestest hetero brofriend Jade (Harold Diamond) also spending a great deal of the film with his shirt off whether cleaning his guns or beating off bad guys.
The action constant and preposterous, even when dressed the ladies’ costumes are skimpy, the eyeshadow and blusher is spraypainted on and the hair is big, particularly that of duplicitous waitress “Michelle” (Michael A Andrews), and the array of weaponry is impressive in its range, inventiveness and inappropriate application, small guns, big guns, razor blade Frisbees and rocket launchers, the latter deployed as anti-personnel and pest control suitable for use both outdoors and indoors.
An explosive exercise in extreme law enforcement and vapid self-promotion with Taryn’s apartment decorated with framed posters from Sidaris’ previous films, that Hard Ticket to Hawaii is nonsense not to be taken seriously is undeniable, that the dialogue is often meant to be funny yet delivered with earnest gravity only adding to the absurdity, the characters open in their aspiration to be James Bond yet coming over more akin to Charlie’s Bimbos.
Hard Ticket to Hawaii will be streaming on the Arrow platform from Friday 16th January
