House on Eden
Back on the road to nowhere, hosts Kris and Celina and their friend Jay are undertaking another ghost hunting expedition to comprise their latest Spooky AF © production, Celina having researched a cemetery trip but Kris harbouring her own plan, believing she has uncovered a story never told before, of a child who went missing around sixty years before at a location near their planned route.
Her companions understandably displeased with the unscheduled diversion, of being kept out of the loop, they are persuaded by her enthusiasm and the promise of an exclusive case to raise their profile and set out to find the “house on Eden Road,” parking their hired van and hiking through the forest trail as night falls, finding what they believe to be the location, obviously well maintained but apparently deserted.
A low-budget found footage horror spin-off of the YouTube channels run by Kris Collins and Celina Myers (“KallMeKris” and “CelinaSpookyBoo”) who ostensibly appear as themselves alongside Jason-Christopher Mayer as their cameraman and pack horse, House on Eden is also low ambition, written and directed by Collins without resorting to anything so radical as creativity or originality.
Bickering, swearing, playing rock, paper, scissors and hide and seek and mocking bodily functions as they traipse through the trees, they have no map, few provisions and little detail in their plan, Kris dismissive of the ignorance of others even as she presumes her arrogance will succeed, the twenty-five minutes of tiresome prelude before they arrive at the titular destination having already established the trio as irresponsible and unbearable.
Pushing their way into the property, clean, furnished and obviously a home even if currently unoccupied despite the lack of electricity, they explore the house on Eden Road with a lack of concern over due diligence or respect for the owners in search of “the truth,” making themselves at home and conducting their investigation with an “Alice Box” to convert psychic impressions into audible speech, cat toys and other paranormal paraphernalia.
Needing a developing mystery beyond bumbling around in the dark, a reason to engage with the characters, Kris’ revelation that her perpetually volatile mood is because she is pregnant makes her less sympathetic rather than more, House on Eden offering the lowest common denominator of found footage films, any hope of bringing a feminist slant of pre-Old Testament horror by invoking the spirit of Lilith lost in the ceaseless selfish squabbling.
House on Eden will be available on Shudder from Friday 26th September
